What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 18:14
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When she asked me how she looked .
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Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I think the readers, may guess!
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do women change that much more with age?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it wasn’t much.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She wouldn,t have been !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I have no regrets .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
Put me off passion for life!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Comes on , in middle age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It was going to be , some day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Would this be the day?
I could never make a relationship work though!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He knew the spot.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was scared of men, in general
So, i spoilt her more .
We all went to grammer schools
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What did i know ?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
This is soul school!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So whats the point in blame.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I don,t even have a pension.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We were not on the streets..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
All the time i was locked up.
I will be 64.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was 9 years of age.
She found it foreign!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i lived it daily.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But, we were locked up after school.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My family never makes their pension either.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Who then, do I blame.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was seconnd youngest,
She was in good health!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I couldn’t, believe it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She loved him until the end.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot live in the past .